


recipe plan: this was a bad idea

by unsungillumination



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:26:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15147137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsungillumination/pseuds/unsungillumination
Summary: it all starts when noct says, “i’m thinking i wanna try cooking tonight,” and prompto shoots him the most incredulous look he’s ever been given, including the time when he was eleven and asked gladio if babies came from crane games.(a birthday gift foryosgay!)





	recipe plan: this was a bad idea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yosgay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yosgay/gifts).



> welcome to 3am! may i tempt you with some juice, or peanuts, or perhaps some fucking sleep? oh no thank you i think i'll have the frenzied creation of a very dumb birthday gift fic thank you so much
> 
> (happy birthday kelly love u sm)

   It all starts when Noct says, “I’m thinking I wanna try cooking tonight,” and Prompto shoots him the most incredulous look he’s ever been given, including the time when he was eleven and asked Gladio if babies came from crane games.

   “Cooking,” Prompto repeats. “Like, cooking food?”

   “What else could I mean?”

   Prompto shrugs. “Meth,” he suggests, and dodges the orange Noct chucks at him. “I’m just saying, it might turn out better.”

   “I am not cooking meth,” Noct announces at the precise moment Ignis enters the living room. Ignis shoots him a strange look (though not quite as strange as the time Prompto had dared him to wear legwarmers over his ears for the afternoon) but continues out the front door with the silent air of one who does not have the energy for his royal shenanigans today.

   Noct supposes Ignis cannot be blamed for this.

   “So you wanna cook food,” Prompto says, like the situation somehow needs to be confirmed three, four, five times before he’ll believe it. “Like, edible food. Mouth nutrients.”

   “ _Yes_ ,” says Noct. “Ignis got me a recipe planner. I thought I should, like, use it or something. Do you wanna help me?”

   Prompto laughs. “Sure, buddy,” he says. “How bad could it be? What do you wanna make?”

   “I dunno,” says Noct. “Maybe we can try noodles.”

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: maybe we can try noodles_

   “Knead the dough until it’s tough,” Noct instructs.

   “Kneading,” Prompto reports. “Hey – how tough does it _knead_ to be?”

   “Until it’s – oh, shut up,” Noct snaps while Prompto snickers. “Okay, um, now step on the dough.”

   “Now stepping on the – _what?!_ ”

   “Step on the dough,” Noct repeats. “Like, with your feet.”

   “I _know_ how to step on stuff, dude! _Why are you asking me to step on the dough?_ ”

   Noct shrugs helplessly. “That’s what the recipe says. Apparently it gives the dough better texture or something,” he says. “I dunno.”

   “So –” Prompto appears to be struggling. “You want me. To step on the noodles?”

   “Yeah.”

   “Should – should I take off my shoes first?”

   “I don’t know,” says Noct, annoyed, “you decide, just step on it already!”

   Prompto starts to grin. “Geez, dude,” he says, “I’m going as fast as I can!” and Noct chucks some flour at him. “Stop chucking food at me.”

   “Then stop being the worst,” Noct retorts, grinning back.

   Prompto shakes his head. “Alright, dude. Commencing operation ‘step on the noodles’.” He picks up the lump of dough.

   “Wait –”

   Prompto drops the dough on the floor and stomps on it.

   “You’re supposed to put it in a plastic bag first,” says Noct, deflating.

   “Oh,” says Prompto. He removes his foot.

   They stare at the dough.

   There’s a muddy bootprint in the center.

   “I thought that was obvious,” Noct says.

   “Okay, _obvious_ went out the window when you told me to step on our actual food with my actual feet.”

 

* * *

 

  _recipe plan: ok so maybe soup_

   “Stew the tomatoes,” says Prompto.

   “I’m _stewing_.”

   “Okay,” says Prompto. “Keep stewing.”

   “I’m _still stewing_.”

   “Keep –”

   “You don’t have to _tell_ me to keep stewing,” Noct sighs. “I’ll keep stewing until you tell me to stop stewing.”

   Prompto doesn’t say anything.

   “Prompto?”

   Prompto doesn’t say anything.

   Noct turns around. “Prompto?”

   “You stopped stewing,” Prompto points out, grinning. “See, this is why I kept telling you to – _don’t throw tomato skin! Euugh –_ ”

   “Shh, I’m stewing.”

   “Okay, now we gotta blend it.”

   Noct stops stewing again. “Blend it?”

   “Yeah. It’s soup,” says Prompto. “If you want it to be creamy then you have to blend it.”

   “Like – in a blender?”

   Prompto looks at the recipe. “An – an immersion blender?”

   “What’s that?” Prompto shows him a photo. “I don’t think we have that.”

   “Seriously? You’re the prince!”

   “Sorry,” Noct retorts. “It’s not like the royal budget sets anything aside for blenders.”

   “Well, it should,” Prompto sniffs. “Whatever. We can probably use a regular blender, right?”

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: ok you can’t use a regular blender for soup i guess sorry ask ignis to tell the royal budget people we need a new blender that’s not melted_

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: fried rice is just tossing a bunch of shit in the pan and going ape right_

   “Hey, why’s the rice so hard?”

   “Uh… I dunno. Maybe it needs longer to cook?”

   “…You mean you didn’t cook it before you put it in the pan?”

   “…”

 

* * *

 

 _recipe plan:_ _not even we can fuck up eggs right_

   “Oh, shit, do you have to crack eggs before you scramble them?”

   “ _OBVIOUSLY_ YOU HAVE TO CR–”

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: pizza made from all pre-prepared ingredients it’s foolproof_

   “If you put a _single_ piece of pineapple on this kitchen bench then our entire friendship is over.”

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: ok let’s call gladio_

   Noct cups one hand around his phone and whispers to Prompto, “Gladio says to buy takeout and tell Specs we cooked it.”

   Prompto ponders this.

   “I dunno. Kinda feels like we’d be defeating the whole spirit of the thing.”

   Noct repeats this to Gladio. Prompto waits.

   “Gladio says at least we’d have edible food,” Noct reports.

   “Touché, big guy,” says Prompto. “Hey, can Gladio cook?”

   “Can you cook?” Noct asks the phone, and listens intently to Gladio’s tinny voice chattering over the speakers.

   Several long minutes of what seem to be defensive explanation pass. Noct nods seriously. He looks back up at Prompto. “Nope.”

 

* * *

 

_recipe plan: maybe we should try a new approach_

   “Okay,” says Prompto. “So we’re not great cooks.”

   “Acknowledged,” says Noct, looking forlorn.

   “But maybe the problem isn’t us,” Prompto suggests slyly. “Maybe the problem... is the _cooking_.”

   “I’m pretty sure it’s us.”

   Prompto gives up. “Okay, fine. But _what_ if we try _baking_ instead?”

   Noct squints. “What difference is that going to make?”

   “Think about it, dude! Cooking has a lot of doing things at the same time as other things, and that’s hard. Baking is just about mixing a bunch of stuff together and then sticking it in the oven and letting it do its own thing.” Prompto spreads his arms wide. “It’s the negligent parenting of food.”

   “Weirdest way to put it I’ve ever heard, but sure, I see what you mean,” Noct says. “Okay. So... Should we bake something?”

   “You betcha! Here, I’ll show you my favourite recipe.” Prompto starts fetching ingredients.

   Noct trails behind him. “You have a favourite recipe?”

   “Sure. I’m actually not a bad chef, you know.”

   “Seriously?” Noct asks. “Have you been paying attention all day?”

   Prompto snorts. “Yeah, but usually I don’t have to babysit a guy who doesn’t know how to crack eggs,” and dodges the incoming eggshell.

 

* * *

 

   “So you thought you’d try cooking today,” says Ignis, eyebrows raised. “And what brought this on?”

   Noct shrugs. “I dunno,” he says lamely. “Just, um, I thought... it’d be... good, I guess.”

   “Character development,” Prompto suggests. “You wanna try it, Iggy?”

   Ignis peers at the cake.

   It’s a little lopsided. The icing is sliding off in parts, so it looks slightly patchy. There’s also a gaping hole in the side.

   “Yeah,” says Noct, reading the silent question. “I forgot to grease the pan.”

   “Promise it tastes good, though,” Prompto adds. “It’s what’s on the inside that counts!”

   “I can see that,” Ignis says drily, gesturing at the very visible interior of the cake. “Literally.”

   Prompto and Noct fidget.

   Ignis softens, deciding he’s had his fun. “It looks great,” he says warmly. “Well done. I can’t wait to try it.”

   Noct perks up. “Great,” he says, “I’ll cut you a piece.”

   They watch with bated breath as Ignis takes a bite.

   “He’s still alive,” whispers Prompto.

   “Good sign,” Noct whispers back.

   Ignis swallows.

   “How is it?” Noct asks immediately.

   Ignis smiles. “It’s good,” he says. “Not bad at all for a first attempt in the kitchen, boys. Nicely done.”

   “Uh,” says Noct.

   “Yeah,” says Prompto. “First attempt.”

   Behind them, where Ignis can’t see, Noct hastily shoves the recipe planner under the fruit basket.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been eighty years since i last wrote ffxv and i don't know how to read very sorry hope u had fun tho! mwah


End file.
